Today I noticed a lot of people looking at me. I was certain it was because I was looking extra sexy today. When later seeing my reflection in the window, I noticed that I had lipstick on my nose. My sunglasses had fallen down, touched my lipstick lips and then transferred the colour to my nose. So yeah, that happened…

Today I found out that the plastic bags from the local grocery store aren’t free. Apparently I’m a thief. So yeah, that happened…

Today I woke up to a message on my phone saying ‘did you enjoy your pizza?’. Apparently I gave my number to someone I don’t remember, and gave him the name ‘Pizza-Mark’ on my phone. So yeah, that happened…

Today I talked to a guy I wasn’t interested in. I managed to escape to the toilet with my friend. When I came back, he went over to me and stamped on my foot. On purpose. So yeah, that happened…

Today a guy asked me if he could touch my genitals. It was not appropriate. So yeah, that happened…

Today I went to the bathroom to remove my makeup. I spent a solid 30 seconds removing trying to remove it, before realising that I wasn’t wearing any makeup. So yeah, that happened…

Today I woke up and snapchatted my friend. She said she was tired, and I sent back a photo of me under my  duvet, wearing glasses and yawning – full on with multiple chins and everything. Except that I didn’t send it to her, but accidentally to a guy I’ve been dating. So yeah, that happened…